Thursday, 14 October 2010

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

  • Best Friends... Really now?

    So here is my rant of the day....

    My best friend's name is Erika. She has a 1 year old daughter, Sydney, who I am godmum to, and I love her dearly. I love them both dearly, but you see I have an issue.

    THIS IS ME --- > door


    I try so hard not to let people walk all over me.... but it happens. It is what I am used to. My mom is very similar so I think I must have learned this habit from her.

    The only person this doesn't apply to, however, is my boyfriend. I don't let him walk all over me, because I am not nervous or scared to tell him right where to go. My friends on the other hand, make me a little nervous. Why, might you ask? It is simple. I am not a person who fights with their friends I am almost positive I am not the only one like this. I don't like drama, I don't like childish issues.. am I alone here?

    #1) I don't feel like I can be mad even if I want to. If anyone have read my friends vs boyfriend post, they know that my friends and my boy do not get along what-so-ever. So I am stuck having boy time one day after work, and girl time the next. HOWEVER this doesn't always work out. EX- This weekend passing was Thanksgiving here in Canada, and I got looooooaded Saturday night (with my bf). So when I woke up Sunday, I honestly swore off drinking. I threw up like, 15 times, no joke, I felt like a complete piece of crap. So my plans for that Sunday were simple, eat turkey dinner, watch a movie, kick back & relax with NO DRINKS! So later on that night, almost 9 pm, I get a text from my BFF saying to come up to her boyfriends house, all of my friends are there drinking and they are mostly all loaded. I didn't talk to her all day til then so she had no way to know I was not drinking no matter what, and I said well I'm just laying down and I don't want to drink and I am with Gary anyways... (what was I gonna do, send him on the next bus so I could go see my friends and people who hate him?) and she was pissed. She said whatever it doesn't matter anyways and "See ya next week".
    #2) I texted her the next day, no answer. That was the Monday, and I had to eat another turkey dinner anyways so I knew I couldn't really chill so I didn't push it. Then I texted her Tuesday, saying "Love you Babe have a good day!", still no answer. I texted her today, asking her to hang out, I emailed her, and no answer again. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
    #3) I feel like I should be mad, the fact that I can't do what I want to do, day to day, and I let other people decide for me. It isn't that I don't want to chill or whatnot, I am just busy! I work Mon-Fri & I'm up at 6 am and home by 6 pm... doesn't leave much time for a life ! I go to sleep with my boyfriend everynight, and my bedtime is 11 pm, so I usually try to fit in time for her somewhere in there. But if I don't, then I get the silent treatment followed by guilt trips on how shitty of a friend I am. Would I EVER say this to her?
    I AM SO SICK OF THIS !! I WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ANYONE, TALK TO ANYONE THE WAY I AM TALKED TO, OR TREAT THEM SO UNFAIRLY!!!

    I just don't think it is fair. Not to mention, I have another group of friends too that I barely see since I am usually so busy. & what sucks is that there isn't anything I can do really... I work 90 hours, I like to eat supper once in awhile and relax... how can I have 2 groups of friends, boyfriend, work, etc? It isn't really possible and I don't feel like I deserve the punishment I receive when I go three days without seeing her.

    I realize I am her child's Godmother, so I need to be around. But shouldn't she realize that she shouldn't push me away by being a bitch and walk all over me, saying whatever she wants but I do not feel like I can speak my mind. It is like walking on friggin egg shells.

    I am tired of being a door mat .

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

  • I HATE YOU HP!!!!

    I am two seconds away from crying because of this bullshit company.

    Last AUGEST, I purchased a HP Pavillion DV5-1234ca & i loved my new laptop. I saved up a whopping $700.00 for this computer, got my boyfriend to bring me in to Future Shop where I picked out this one and paid for a year warranty.

    ONE MONTH AFTER THE GOD DAMN WARRENTY IS UP MY COMPUTER FUCKS UP

    The screen goes black but everything else will fucking turn on. I took it to a shop, they said the mother board is fried. I called another place, they think the graphic something-or-another is fucked, aka costing me as much as a new laptop will.

    I DONT WANT A NEW ONE, I WANT MY OLD ONE.

    I call HP... They tell me to DIAGONSE MY COMPUTER OVER THE PHONE I WILL HAVE TO PAY $40.00

    Money hungry mother fuckers try to charge me since my warranty expired in August. I call future shop, they say too bad so sad for me I will have to pay $500.00.

    Now I have no computer when I go home, now I am out $700.00

    PLEASE, NEVER EVER EVER BUY ANYTHING HP. I TRUSTED THEM, I THOUGHT THEY WERE THE BEST, AND THEY AREN'T. THEY SUCK. BIG TIME. I called a bunch of repair shops around here, they won;t even touch it because HP has been doing this with the last few years of laptop models. Apparently they suggest a 3 year warranty because something WILL go wrong. How stupid, what a piece of crap company sends out their computers like ticking time bombs READY TO EXPODE on paying customers such as myself. My work told me they had like 12 HP DESTOPS and they all crashed under a year. I HATE YOU HP, I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!

    :'(

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    rip, god damn it

  • Religion

    Do I believe in God? I'm not quite sure.
    I believe that there is more to this life then we are alive, then we die.
    But I do not believe in a Hell,
    I do not believe I should live my life by someone else's rules.
    I really believe we come back to the Earth once we die as well, so reincarnation is part of my personal religion.
    I think we come back to the earth to learn lessons we couldn't have learnt in our previous life.
    Ex- A king comes back as a homeless person.
    I believe what we put out is what we get back and our happiness depends on us and our actions.
    So karma is also in my religion.
    Both of my parents religion is Roman Catholic, but they have never pushed it on me, and for that I am grateful.
    But confused. When I pray at night, it feels like a weight is lifted off my shoulders, what does that mean?
    I feel like there is someone higher up, but I don't really believe a word the bible says.
    I think we all have our own individual heaven to go to once we have came back to the earth and learned many lessons.
    My heaven would look different then yours, how could it just be one place, where we would all go if we were good human beings?

    aaa

Friday, 08 October 2010

  • Have you ever lost a friend?

    clovertattoo0012

    JUNE 2, 2010, AT 1:58 PM, i lost a dear friend.

    he was on his way back to work, just getting off his lunch break, when the girl who was driving him back made a left turn, and they were hit. HE was hit. He was sitting shot gun, and it was a jetta VS an suv. His complete right side was mangled, he suffered from an severed aorta (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_aortic_rupture) and passed away that night. I will forever remember him as a caring, fun, easy going, original human being. He was always joking around, never serious, super funny and amazing. I am forever grateful that he entered my life and I have the blessing of meeting him. I do not think I will ever meet another person like him, he is 1,000,000% irreplaceable. He was 2 weeks shy of 20 , and did not deserve to die. Not that way, not when he did nothing wrong.

    Every day, I think of him. I wear a bracelet saying "Buckle up for Blake". Every drink I have, every joint I spark, I do it in his honor. I have a picture of us on my desk in a frame, and another one tapped up to my desk. To this day, it doesn't seem real. I hear him in my head laughing, talking, wanting me not to be sad... but it's so hard.

    I want to get a tattoo for him, something similar to the one I posted up there. He had a clover tattoo as well. There is a tree planted for him in a local park (where I've chilled with him before) and a bench is on the way with a plaque, both having clovers engraved in them.

    I can't get him off of my mind, and I feel his presence with me everyday. I just want whoever is reading this to realize that life is so precious, and to treasure EVERYONE in your life, because you'll wake up one of these days, and something will change you forever. Don't hold grudges, let things go and just LIVE! Wake up each day knowing no matter how shitty or terrible yesterday was, today is a new day. You can do ANYTHING you put your mind to. Any issue you have is irrelevant and if you were dead, would it matter? no. We tend to feel like the world revolves around us, and our life, when in reality, we are nothing compared to the world, we are small insignificant creatures. Realize money isn't everything, friends, relationships and having a good time is what makes the world go 'round. Find more things to like, then to dislike, and realize you have THOUSANDS of things to be grateful for, we just never take the time to notice. Do it for me, do it for my friend.

    RIP BLAKE NEVELLE MACKENZIE... I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU ,
    I miss you everyday